Sheesh, has it really been that long since I blogged?  Oh well, I’ve been busy.

I’m almost completely done with residency. 

Wow.  That’s so weird. 

Seriously. All I’ve really done with my life was to try to get to this point, and now that I’m here, it’s almost surreal.

4 years high school   – fun
4 years college         – also very fun
2 years masters        – less fun
4 year med school    – not fun, hard, very hard
3 years residency…   – aggressively not fun, work work work

All of that in preparation for this.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely excited and looking forward to the future, but the level of change that is about to happen is intimidating.  Every 4 years I have been making a new set of friends, relocating to a new area, and starting over.  This time (I think…) I’ll be doing it for good.  Wow. 

Not to mention the fact that I’ve also been spending about 150 hours trying to put together the senior video, which will rule.  7 shifts left in residency, GO TEAM GO!  I’ll see if I can get the video or parts of it up if people want to see it.  It’s pretty sweet.

As the rainbow slowly fades like the fatty buttery substance into popcorn, my memories of Saginaw Michigan are starting to come to a close.  Today I am officially moving on.  I’m officially moving out of my apartment.

Oh the memories.  I could expound for endless hours about the bad times and the worse times in our beloved  beautiful city of Saginaw.  But, instead, let me go over to Wikipedia and find some random facts about the town that I didn’t know myself till I just looked them up…  Ah, here we go.

Fun-fact #1: The overall violent crime rate for 2006 was 4.55 times the national average.^[8] By comparison, Detroit the largest city in Michigan, has an overall violent crime rate 3.38 times the national average.^[9] Los Angeles, California with a population 3.8 million has 2.13 times the national average.  Go team!

Fun-fact #2: Saginaw is referred to in the Simon and Garfunkel song “America“,
which is about hitchhiking across the USA. It was noted: “It took me
four days to hitchhike from Saginaw, I’ve gone to look for America.”

I’d love to list many other interesting facts about Saginaw, but Wikipedia is not filled with much fun.  So, instead, I checked Saginaw under Google images and this is what I found (seriously, try it yourself) .

                    I’m kind of speechless.  

Ah, Saginaw.  Your high crime rate gave me a great ER training.  Thank goodness for the good people I worked with, since without them, I think I would be up there in that mural somewhere. 

So what else have I been doing in my nearly month-long absence?  Well, working on the 3rd year video of course.

“But, I thought you were a third year?!” I can hear you whine in your incessant little chihuahua voice that grates at my very soul.  Yes, I am a third year, but I happen to make relatively kick-ass videos, if I do say so myself.  Also, it was one of my goals to make the best video that I’ve ever made, (see, I made that goal a while ago, #6).  So I’ve been putting much time into that.  And packing.  Not to mention I still have about 10 hours of random paperwork to technically graduate.  So things’ve been busy.

Oh, and I have a big ‘ole pig roast coming up on the 31st.  Life is good.

So every Thursday, I have lecture from 7:30 till 1:00.  It’s usually pretty painful.  After being in school for 3 decades, I’ve become tired of lectures, though I know I’ll still have them pretty much the rest of my life.  However, last weeks lecture took place with some nice firefighters and they explained the jaws of life to us.  It’s hard to really explain how incredible this is, so I’ll try to show it to you instead.  They ripped a pretty much normal looking car apart (with 2 residents inside, thanks Drew & Dan).

Note to self, don’t get in an accident requiring these (pretty cool though, no?)

So, this was mailed to me to become an active employee for the group.

Wow.  I just started laughing.  That’s a lot of signatures for one guy. 

Weekly writing challenge time, to play along, go here

This week’s challenge is to write a story of 500 words or less using
the following words: pencil, wood, house, lamp, couch, moon and box.  I decided to try to make a coherent story as short as possible.

START:

I dug through the couch, tipping over the moon shaped lamp on the box, and finally found the wood pencil.  Finally I can write my suicide note and then blow up the house.

END.

Now, I’m sure you are all wanting me to keep you abreast (teehee) of the most critical and cutting edge medical facts in the world.  Let’s get some background medical knowledge… that’s what you are are here for, and I aim to please.  **Editors note:  Let me just start by saying that this is NOT fake. 
This is true science at work here.  I am NOT making this crap up. 
Links have been added at the end for the doubters… ok, read on

Perhaps you, like many 87-year old grammas, have become concerned with the rise in the rates of C. difficile in the community.  As you know, C. difficile causes a very bad form of colitis creating a horrifically foul and frequent diarrhea that can actually be life threatening.  It has been around for quite some time, but recently, it has become more virulent and more difficult to treat.  The normal medication regiment of Flagyl or oral Vancomycin remains effective in most of the cases, however, some people have resistant strains of the bacteria and can have very prolonged cases which may even last months.

Just a reminder, poop is funny.

This bacteria usually forms secondary to loss of the normal gut bacteria.  Thus, when you take some antibiotics for some other reason, you can actually kill off the GOOD bacterial that normally lives in your intestines.  This bacterial usually recovers from this and grows back on its own accord without any difficulty.  However, sometimes, after all the good bacteria gets killed off, bad bacteria (the C difficile) grow in large numbers in the good bacterias place.  This causes the horrific, catastrophic diarrhea.

So what can we, and by we, I mean you do?  Well.  You could try the antibiotics (Flagyl/Vanco) to treat this, or you could be more cutting edge.  You could be on the front of medical science.  You could be the one right at the thin white line of the future, living the dream of having the best and most advanced medical care that human science has come to know.  You could get your gastrointestinal floura completely replaced with the latest technique which is…  a poo transplant.

Go read those last three words again, I’m not sure if you read them correctly.

That’s right.  We are now adding poop to the list of vital commodities that people need transplants.  But how, you ask, could you get the poo in the right place?  Well… we all know where poo starts off don’t we?  It starts with food.  So… it’s actually pretty simple.  Eat someone else’s poop.

What?! 

Yes.  People are doing this.  It has been successfuly numerous times with a 95% success rate.  Let me break the procedure down for you.  I added pictures since some people only come for the pictures.

1.  Get poo.  Usually a family member will donate.  I know my brothers would both be happy to donate poop for me to eat.   I suppose we could create the brown cross as well if needed.

2.  NG tube.  You put a tube through the nose that goes into the stomach.  I suppose this step could be bypassed if you really just wanted to be a man and drink it straight.


3.  Mix poo.  Put in blender with some water.


4.  Insert poo.  2 tablespoons down NG tube into stomach. 

Congratulations, you just ate someone’s poop. 

I’m not sure if I could really volunteer for this procedure, regardless of how life-saving it is.  Though, I think it would be kind of fun to go drinking afterwards with my brothers and then belch in their faces and look for the response.  The whole “your breath smells like shit” would really be quite truthful.

There, now you guys are all cutting edge.  Glad I could help.

Don’t believe me?  Check the links:
Poo 1    Poo 2    Poo 3  or just go HERE to see auto inoculation (gross)

Now for this week’s challenge: (go to the weekly writers challenge to play the at home version)
Free write for five minutes, a story, beginning with “He found the cacophony distracting as he walked in the room.”

OK, waiting for the clock… and go…
(editors note: I’m an idiot and actually did exactly 6 minutes instead of 5, oh well)
START…
He found the cacophony distracting as he walked in the room.  Surely with the recent developments and the video online people must have thought it more than a rumor.  More than just stories.  More than just a hoax that somebody created.  I mean, people had been dying. 

Oh we have all seen people react and over react in various situations.  However, when actual deaths occur, it seems like it would be time to give some validity to the hoax.  It seems it would be time to give some validity to the thought that maybe, JUST MAYBE the threat was real.  Well.  I had warned them.  I had warned them all, and they still had their little party.  So be it.

Seriously, people who kill to live have been around for some time now.  Vampires, a legend born out of slight reality have existed for hundreds of years.  They, however have found a type of underground harmony with their surroundings.  Also, they can drink anythings blood, not just human, so as humans have adapted, they have adapted.  Lucky bastards.

Me, on the other hand, well, I don’t have to kill to live, but for whatever reason, I have been programed to live to kill. 

Imagine if the only time you could ever be happy, the only time that you had joy, the only time in your life that you ever even had a hint of fulfillment was when you killed.  Well, that’s me.  Oh sure, I have friends, family, and other people that I get along with.  However, these give me little to no fulfillment.  Nothing.  Zero.  It’s sad really, but I have to pursue what works for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do.  I wake up on days like today eager, just absolutely salivating for the night to come.  I love that I can at least try to pre-chose who I devour.  I try to create situations where it will make the world better for my destruction, but it does not always….END

Well, that came out pretty interesting.  I still don’t know what type of creature he is yet either.   Perhaps its the one eyed one horned flying purple people eater?  Your guess is as good as mine

Oh and for more news from the world of writing, please read my previous post

I suppose I’m allowed to toot my own horn on my own blog, right?

This was perhaps one of the coolest things that has happened to me in recent memory.  I know I blogged about it a little bit ago here.  However, at that time, I didn’t know what truly was going to happen.  Well, they were true to their word and actually published the article and interview with me.  Check out the June (the current) edition of Writer’s Digest, page 60.  I can wait if you want to go right now, really I don’t mind.  No?  Well, that’s ok, since they actually printed out the article for those of you more inclined to the online type of format you have come to know and love.

Here’s the quick low down.  I entered a Short Short Story competition in Writer’s Digest magazine, and, out of 6805 entries, I won.  I know, I was as surprised as you are.  I’m sure I could blather on and on forever about this, so instead I’ll just give you the link to the article, and the link to the short story that won the competition.  Click the link and read away.

Link to the article about the competition

Link to the short story “The Procedure” that won the competition.

Aside from medicine, this was extremely high on the coolness meter for me.

I’ll be honest, I’ve seen some scary crap in the ER.  Gun shot wounds, bad MVA’s, split open skulls and all the rest.  This was way creepier than all of them.  Let me preface this with a warning.  Schizophrenia is a horrific disease.  This is a mental disorder that can ruin a person’s life forever and can afflict a person early in life.  It often comes on in the late teens and early twenties.  There are a high amount of homeless people who have schizophrenia, most likely since the disease lends itself to an inability to take care of one’s self and meet personal needs.  However, most of them are pretty withdrawn, and if anything… grumpy.  This guy was NOT grumpy.

This guy liked to laugh.  Unfortunately for me, he also liked crack, alcohol, marijuana, and other treats.

This chemical cocktail, mixed with an underlying psychotic disorder, makes for an interesting night.

I am not an overly jumpy person.  I can remain calm in most of the scary situations in the ER.  This is a skill I continue to work on, and will continue to hone in the situations that are thrown at me.  However, I was not prepared for the laugh.  I wish I could have recorded it.  The closest I can come is this (I had to hunt and listen to a bunch to get the right one…)

Creepy

Yeah, that’s what it sounded like, only WAY louder and creepier.  He would be sleeping quietly for 30 minutes, then cackle VERY loudly for a minute.  Very creepy.  He got to go away to a special place where hopefully he’ll get help.  He even got Tazered twice.  I know that feeling.  However, as an evil clown, my heart kinda went out for the poor guy.  Which got me to thinking, maybe the Joker from Batman wasn’t really all that evil.  Maybe he just had voices in his head that told him what to do over and over till he went crazy.  Poor guy.  Well, at least he seemed happy.

chapter 19

But she did
not press the issue. 

Occasionally
she would catch slight glimpses into his thoughts, and always it would be of
work, and oddities, and Talents.  His
mind buzzed with ideas whenever she caught it. 
However, she could always feel something else.  Listening in someone’s head gave insight to
the emotions behind the thoughts as well.

By now,
Julia had been able to hear thoughts quite clearly, even in complete strangers
when she pressed herself.  However,
feelings surrounding thoughts added a subtle complexity to everything.  Some people would loudly think about how a
person is a jerk or selfish, while at the same time the emotion of jealousy
would trickle through their thoughts.  Other
times, she would see a new couple and could feel the lust raging through both
of their thoughts. 

Reading
words came easily, reading emotions proved quite difficult.  The same set of words could have completely
different meanings depending on the emotion involved.  Julia had always thought that “I love you”
would be surrounded with happiness and joy. 
However, she found many people had horrible emotions surrounding those
words.  More often than not, she hear
complicated thoughts that started with these words…  <I love you but I can no longer be with
you…>  <I slept with your best
friend, but it’s you that I love> <I love you, but I love her more…>  She could read the rage, jealousy, disdain
and a myriad of other emotions floating through these thoughts.   

However,
when she caught glimpses into Jacks thoughts, the overriding feeling that came
through every time was greed.  It was
more than simple wanting more, it was a lust for more.  She could not really understand what his
hunger was for, but she did not press the issue. 

Jack became
more and more distant, taking long trips that he always said were work
associated.  He would sometimes be gone
for weeks at a time.  When he came home,
he would never give any explanation, other than he was doing more research.  He always wanted everything to remain the
complete same at home, even if he had been gone for weeks.  Julia had a brilliant mind of her own, and it
did not take much to figure out that something different was going on.  Jack had all but silenced his mind to her,
and that worried her.  She decided a
direct approach would be best

Bad haircut does not even begin to cover it.  I’m talking about an atrocity to nature itself.

I usually just browse by the featured questions.  However, this is a question was asked to me 1 month ago and I showed my distain for the experience at lenght…  JUST CLICK HERE FOR THAT ENTRY.  Oh the humanity!

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!