October 27, 2009
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Don’t you hate it when…
Don’t you hate it when you wake up, look at the clock, and realize that your alarm didn’t go off. Not only that, but you were sure, extra sure in fact, that you set it the night before. So then you rush through your morning routine knowing full well that there will surely be a white-hot corny-chunk containing shit-storm waiting for you once you get to work and their is nothing that you can do about it.
In addition to this. Don’t you hate it when your car is low on gas. You remember thinking to yourself: “hey I have plenty of time now to fill it up, but I really just want to get home to relax, but I have to be sure to get up early to fill it up or I might be late for work, or even worse, run out of gas and be REALLY late.” Unfortunately, you forgot about that and did not fill the car up so now you have to get gas anyways. So you pull over and try to pump gas quickly as if the 7 seconds you save by quickly shoving the handle in your car will really make a difference. But then as you try to do the same in removing it you forgot that a little leftover piss of gasoline is always waiting in the end of the handle which flies though the air and covers your pants, shirt, face, and hands with just enough of a misting to give you the aroma of Captain Wanker the Moron who can’t pump gas without getting it all freakin’ over himself.
And don’t you hate it as well when you are already rushing so you did not have any time to get a real breakfast. You were smart enough to grab a can of Mt. Dew out of the fridge and a nutra-grain bar but that was about it. You were OK with this being your breakfast until some douchebag slams on his brakes at a barely yellow light that you had already committed to going through so you had to either a) perform amazing evasive maneuvers using only your crotch since both your hands are already occupied with the aforementioned breakfast OR b) slam on your breaks. But, after slamming on your breaks just after opening the Dew you spilled a healthy portion of the unhealthy yellow caffiene all over your shirt. Then, maintaining your last ounce of sanity you look over to the side of the road only to see some random dead animal that makes you feel bad for getting so pissed about the little things that have happened to you.
You do? You do hate it when that happens?
Bad days happen, get over it and get back to work.
Fortunately for me, I made all that crap up, today rocked.
Comments (8)
Love the free cat!!
Man, I was laughing out loud the whole time I read this.
I’ll take shit-storm as a decent substitute for poop.
Also, despite making it up, it was too dead on for you to have never had this happen before.
I have had many days that were EXACTLY the way you described save these details:
>I don’t like Dew, my breakfast of champions is a cream cheese danish and a redbull
>I don’t have a bleeding heart toward roadkill
>I am a master of the art of driving with both hands full of breakfast AND I drive a standard
This made me laugh my ass off. Especially the free cat. Because I am sick like that.
lol hilarious.
LOL!!! I love the road sign about never getting to work on time! Glad you made it all up, though, and had a good day!
I gave up worrying about ever being late
— started working for myself. I had lots of time to pick up free cats, have a roadside roadkill BBQ.
@Bricker59 - Can’t beat the price!
@RockOfEadie - I’ve been trying to keep at least one poop related part in every entry for you, even if it may be obscure. I may try to even hide them for you, a one man search and find for you if you get bored.
@storyslut - :) I love cats. I suppose that’s why Gen. Chow’s Chicken might be one of my favorite foods.
@slmret - I’ve always thought about reprogramming one of those roadside stands, wouldn’t it be a blast?
@dikdoktor - Roadside BBQ huh? Hmm. I know you can keep the deer if you run over one, I don’t know about cats, I would assume as much though.
@slicy - They’re good, deep fried.