March 8, 2012
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Juggling Chainsaws
“Hmm, I think I’ll break my leg today, they do have cable in the ER, and after that, maybe I’ll see if I can juggle running chainsaws.” No one does this. No one actively chooses to come into the ER. Well, usually they don’t.
Let me tell you a story.
It’s a story about someone who can chose his customers.
A friend of mine owns his own business. He washes windows for a living.
He works hard. Very hard. He is ridiculously hard working. You know when you come home from work, and say, ‘man, that was a hard days work.’ He will not be there to hear you because he has not gotten home yet. Also he left earlier than you did this morning.
He told me about a potential customer of his. The person called and demanded that he come over and wash his windows. My friend saw where the potential customers house was and pretty much denied him on that. He said that he had been mugged in that neighborhood before and he no longer worked in that area.
Now this is where it gets interesting. He owns his own business. In my mind, he should be able to say:
“Nope, not going to wash your windows, sorry.”
He is the owner. He can do that, right?
Well it turns out that the person who lived in that house happened to be an angry man. He thus tried to sue my friend for discriminating against him. My friend refused to pay him money based on discriminating against him. It ultimately went to court. The judge, who apparently knew this slime-ball person suing my friend told him to “get the hell out of my courtroom and stop bothering hard working people!”
Apparently this guy had done this type of thing multiple times before. This was his living. He made money by suing people. Despite my friend “winning” the case, he had still accumulated $30,000 in legal fees in order to protect his business and his name. Cost to the other guy… $0.
Thus, even when you can chose your customers, it can be harsh.
I can’t chose my customers (they are not patients any more, they are customers, as if they are coming into the Emergency Department to buy a gallon of milk and some Listerine (though one of the drunkest patients I have ever seen did get blitzed off Listerine (cool mint Listerine no less (such fresh breath for a drunk! (though it didn’t mask the feet)))) though I really would like to.
There are certain draw backs to my job. No one comes to me on a good day. The simple fact that you are going to the ER to be seen means something went wrong, unless you are insane.
There are times (oh so many) where I wish I could pick my clients. But, what most people don’t realize is that it’s not the sick ones most ER docs dread. Oh no, not at all. Give me a patient having a big heart attack any day. I can help them and get them to the cath lab and make a difference. You got a patient with horrible pneumonia? Bring it on!
However, if you have a 22 year-old patient with chronic back pain, and been feeling ‘off’ for the last 6 months, and also has eyelash pain as well as chronic fatigue syndrome with a side order of fibromyalgia? I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ll be in to help you as soon as I’m done juggling these chainsaws.
Comments (5)
I’ve turned down customers for flimsier reasons than that. Much flimsier. “Sorry, but talking with you wears on me.” I don’t put it in those words.
I had a sty on my eyelid recently. Guess I should have gone to the ER.
@Roadkill_Spatula - Hah! Awesome. I wonder if brutal honesty would actually help some people in the long run. ”Ma’am, you are a really REALLY annoying person and you infuriate pretty much every human you come in contact with, perhaps you should try to just be a nicer person?”
You had a sty? Quick, sprint to the ER (but please wait until 3:30 am to come in. This always happens for some reason.
At 3:30 a.m. people who are awake are dealing with existential bleakness. An ingrown toenail is intolerable and life can’t continue the way it is.
@Roadkill_Spatula - Heh, I’m pretty sure I’d rather help them with their existential bleakness. ”No sir, as you contemplate your own humanity, you can clearly see that while the universe is incomprehensibly gigantic, and we are all ultimately small specks in the grand scheme of things, your toe does NOT need to be amputated. You are going to make it. Now, with a love that can move mountains, please gtfo of my ER.
You need a sumo-wrestler-turned-nurse-with-a-counseling-degree to do triage, sounds like.