March 18, 2009
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You, your priapism, and you
I try to keep most entries rated in the PG to PG-13 ballpark, but sometimes, after a shift like today, you have to crank it up a notch.
You see, I have never had, seen, or known anyone with priapism… till today.
Warning!! Warning!! Warning!!
If you really want to know what I’m talking about, go google priapism, don’t say I didn’t warn you.For those of you who are wise and did not click on that link, let me enlighten you using made up words that may make you feel either more, or much less, comfortable.
<I mentally sit down here like a grandfather around a Campfire. I’ll explain it in terms we can all identify. More specifically, terms I stole from Harry Potter>
You see children, priapism is when a mans special part, lets call it the Voldemort, gets really firm. When a man and woman love eachother very much, they can make sweet sweet Dumbledore to each other. After making Dumbledore, the Voldemort normally becomes quite Hermione after you Quidditch in a woman’s Hagrid. However, sometimes men have difficulty getting the Voldemort firm, or, in medical terms, Neville.
If a man uses a potion or elixir to make the Voldemort artificially Neville, it can become Neville for a prolonged period of time and become quite painful. This is called priapism, and it is no laughing matter (tee hee). Several options exist to try solve the riddle of priapism. You can try a drug called Terbutaline (real name), which works in upwards of 30% of the time (fact). Other, more horrendous options exist, which actually do work. One can perform a ring block around the Voldemort and ram a 19 gauge needle into the Voldemort and drain off 30 mL of Weasley. Another option is to inject Phenylephrine directly into the Voldemort.
This is what the Urologist suggested to me. So I looked right into Voldemort’s one good eye and plunged in for the kill. “Avada Kedavra“ I would have yelled, if not for my awkwardness at grabbing another guys fully Neville Voldemort. 5 minutes later, his Voldemort was not longer Neville. In fact it was completely Hermione, so everyone was happy.
Sometimes, my job is just weird. Weird weird weird.
Comments (10)
So like showing the patient a picture of say, Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump tongue kissing nakid, would not work?
@storyslut - I tried McDonald’s Grimace making out with Jabba the Hut, nothing would get that thing down!
@slicy - LOL
So much for doctor/patient confidentialty, but just wanted to say thanks again!
Hey I fixed your problem, right? Don’t make me hunt you down and give you a really big injection, You’ll have to change your name to Neville!
Are you sure this is not an autobiography?
Clearly your ability to articulate priapism makes you just as weird a your job, so I would say it is a good fit.
if you aren’t scarred for life AND sharring occassionally the pleasures of your world with other… you aren’t a human getting it off your chest. funy as hell now is discussing the rum “raisen” muffins…it’s just wrong sounding on a few levels. like saying those aren’t raisenettes!
well, could thing you didn’t have to make a “Point’ to get someone to stop pointing.
You taught me a new word, Clown.
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