Yes, yet again I will list my main super-power for those of you who may have missed it.

Super-pooping (I know your jealous, but it has its downfalls, see here).  I can crap faster than any human I know.  I am not sure how long it takes you to pee, but I can poop in less time than that.  I know, it's not as good as super-strength, or teleportation, but hey, I'll take it.

However, I do unfortunately also have a weakness.  I know my weakness, yet I remain completely powerless against it.  Those who know me closely already know my weakness.  Like any good human, I have gone through my 12 steps and finally come to the last... acceptance.  Now by accepting my weakness, and embracing it as my own, I can hopefully use it to my benefit to make me a stronger person. 

Sigh.  Enough drama.

I am, <sniff> a cartoon junkie.  Perhaps you already knew this?

Yeah, I know.  I can hear your scoffs, snickers, jabs, and guffaws from here.  Here's our conversation

SUCKHEAD (You):  But aren't you a doctor?  I mean aren't you mature than that?
ME:  Have you read my entries?  Seriously I talk about poop in over 60% of my entries.
SH: But shouldn't you just, you know, stop watching them?
ME:  I've tried, it's my addiction.  I enjoy pretty much anything animated. 
SH: How is that a weakness?
ME: If anything is animated, I'll pretty much watch it.  Heck, I've made it through episodes of Captain Planet.  I have a somewhat encyclopedic knowledge of any 80's cartoon, and I can't get this info out!  I want to replace this knowledge with something useful, but all I see is Ma Beagle from Duck Tales!  It's not my fault
SH: Well, how can you make this into a good thing?

Well, I'm glad you asked, Suckhead.  I have decided to enlighten you to a few of the best online cartoons that are currently rummaging around in this big wide internet of ours.  I realize there are THOUSANDS of fantastic internet cartoons out there.  I have sifted through thousands to find a few gems.  Be warned, all of these are worth their weight in solid animation gold... Here are a few of my favorites. 

Enjoy:

 
Possibly my #1 pick (There she is, by Sambakza)


The Waterlollies (Fantastic Animation)


(**NEW EDIT**)
I can't believe I didn't put Homestar on this entry
in the first place.  For those of you who have never
been to Homestarrunner.com, you're welcome.


Charlie the Unicorn (So dumb it's hilarious)


BadgersBadgersBadgersBadgers
(So catchy You'll wish you hadn't seen it)


The Ultimate Showdown (bad animation =OK in my book
as long as the song is fun)

So many more, it's hard to stop here.  Maybe I'll just go watch Magical Trevor.  Any great internet cartoons that were left out?

Dale Carnegie taught a course on "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living."  Must of this information is contained in his very small Golden Book.  I currently own the golden book which has many uplifting insights on how to live your life in a positive and optimistic way.

I do consider myself an optimist, despite many other peoples recommendations.

One of the nuggets of wisdom on how to reduce worrying is to try to keep everything in perspective.  Try to back up and take in the big picture and overcome worry.  He states: "What's the worst that can happen."  Out of all of the very excellent advice in this book, I think this one small part was not meant for ER doctors.

In the last 3 days, I have had to pronounce 5 people dead.  Nothing was done wrong.  People die.  It is still sad.

5 dead in 3 days...  That sucks.  Worse then that.  That crazy-kung-fu-mega blows!

Nothing makes that easier.  It is always hard.  Talking with the families and breaking terrible news always crushes me.  Doing it several times over and over just absolutely drains me.  In the ER I have to function extremely fast and react instantly to changing dynamics.  Emotions must be put on the back burner since I am caring for many patients at the same time; that being said, after everything is done for the day, sometimes it all catches up with me.  I feel terrible, even though I know I did everything I could and no one could have saved these patients. 

So, I sit and contemplate and hope the next day is better.  It is also tough to bounce back after that and be happy and energetic to see the cute 4 year old with the sniffles.

Sometimes it feels like I'm just putting a band-aid on everything and just trying to buy time. 

OK, enough whining, time to go back to work.

First of all, I really did not plan to destroy her day.  It was neither my intention nor my desire to have another human to suffer so horrendously due to my inadequacies.  However, we all sometimes fall short of the mark.  I digress...

It started as a typical day at work.  Drove in, had my Coke for breakfast as I drove in.  Also, on the way in, I snacked on a couple Fiber One bars.  Don't get me wrong, these things are actually quite tasty.  Not only that, but I think they have something like 281548% of your daily requirement of Fiber.  Perhaps I back up a little here.

I am a very regular guy.  I don't mean that in the "I'm Mr. average Joe and I fit in well in the crowd."  No.  Not at all.  I don't go for the fit in average.  By regular, I mean that I poop regularly.  Heck, I'm extra regular.  In fact, I think I crap on average about 2.7 times a day.  Everyday.  Not little wimpy micro-spurts either, we're talking king sized Baby Ruth's 3 times a day.  Mmm, Baby Ruth (actually more of a Snickers man myself... but I digress a second time)


So, I had my 2 fiber one bars.  Most people should have more fiber in their diet.  I am not most people.  I should eat more of Cap'n Brickos Mega-Constipating Cheezie flavored Hummus... if it existed.  But yes, I had 2 fiber one bars.  It took about 3 hours, but then I felt it.  You know it.  You've felt it.  Try and deny... you have had The Urge at work.  To go.  Oh yeah.

Fortunately my primary super power (as previously mentioned multiple times) is incredible bowel control.  So, I could overcome the power of The Urge by sheer mental and sphincter power alone.  That being said, I could still feel the fiber bars brewing inside for several hours.  I knew I had a massive amount of gas forming, but I kept busy with work, and I won the battle.  I made it out of work.  This is where the fun starts.

I walked to the parking garage.  For some crazy, horrible, and semi-hillarious reason, I could not get the 4 gallons of gas in my colon to pass while I walked outside towards the parking garage.  Then, I pressed the elevator button to take it to the 4th floor, since every morning I feel capable to walk down the 4 flights but I'll kick someone in the crotch before I'll walk back up them.

I get on the elevator.  My dark nemesis, The Urge, returns.  Fortunately, I am going UP on the elevator and there is ab-so-lutely no chance anyone else will be getting on since who would want to go up from a floor above the ground floor?  Seriously?  What are the chances?

I release.  No, that does not do it justice.  I produced a level of atrocious Anus-Swamp Vapor that could melt steel.  It came out as a vapor but I am sure was more caustic than pepper spray.  Even my eyes started watering a bit.  The sheer volume of it even surprised me.  It literally filled the entire elevatore with its presence.  I think if it would have been any larger I think the fart would have had it's own conciousness and may even have willed itself into existance as a sentient supervillian, it was that amazingly bad.  Yeah, just vicious.

I then went up one level, suffering in my self made stink-coffin, but finally relieved to be rid of the monster that had been lurking in my colon for hours.

Then the unthinkable happened.  The elevator stopped at the first floor.

A nice looking lady in a business suit got on the elevator.  In a split second I had to make a decision.  And, using all the fast paced skills of a trained ER physician, I pounced on the best decision in that milisecond.

I left the elevator.

I watched the door close.  I sat outside the elevator for a second, slightly worried that I may have just killed an innocent woman, but relieved that I did not have to ride up in an elevator and try to pretend that the whole area did not just reek to all hell from my disemboweled evil I had just created. 

I then walked up the 3 flights to my car and went home.

Please, random lady in elevator in the parking garage, if you are reading this, you have my sincerest apologies.  I meant no harm.  I blame fiber one.


      

Sigh, the older I get, the more sure I am that fart jokes are the only thing that will keep us all sane...