Ever looked directly into a laser for 45 seconds while smelling your own eyeball flesh burning? Really? Me too!
I officially went under the knife. Well, actually there was no knife, only lasers. I got LASIK. Now, I'm invincible. Well, maybe that's a little far, but it is cool to wake up in the middle of the night and be able to read the alarm clock. But I'm sure you're wondering what LASIK is all about, lets go on a journey together to make you less dumb. But, let me make it sound waaay scarier than it is so that you think I'm a stud.
First, a bunch of drops are put in your eyes so that you can't feel anything. These drops burn. Suck it up and quit whining. This will be the total of your anesthesia for the procedure. Thus, I suggest you make sure those drops get in, otherwise the whole laser in the eyes thing might sting a bit.
The doctor then puts super-mega-suction cups on your eye so that it stays in place. This may seem trivial, but it is the reason that I have two horrible subconjunctival hematomas on my eyes even 10 days after the procedure.
I should have clicked on red-eye reduction...
Then, they make a flap in your outer eyeball with a laser. Think of it as a trap-door on the surface of your eye that they flip open to get the next laser better access. They make a large "C" on your eye and literally flip that flap to the side. Mmm, tasty.
Next, they ZAP the be-juju-bees out of your eye. You are supposed to stare at a red dot while they are doing this, but they just cut open a friggin' eyeball flap so you really can't see a darn thing anyways. The opthomologist will calmly reassure you that the burning eye smell will go away with time and that everything is going great. Just keep staring at the giant red blur, er, I mean the small red dot. Don't worry about the fact that if you glance even one millimeter to either side you will surely be blinded forever. Fortunately they have the super-suction to prevent you from looking around.
Now, for a split second, you can actually see a clear, tiny red dot, which is cool.
Then they repeat the process for the other eye.
Then you leave and the doc looks at your eyes under a scope to be sure he didn't just accidentally make eyeball pudding.
Then you go home and sleep for 4 hours, crying like a little girl. There is a slight burning pain, but mostly you cry since your eyes just got cut open and that's the normal response.
Now you go back to the doctor.
Guess what... at that 4 hour later appointment my eyes were 20/20. Cool.
The only part that was slightly less cool was wearing sunglasses the entire next day at work. Also, they have a guard you wear at night (also glasses). So I got this procedure to get rid of glasses, and now I have to wear EXTRA-DORKY glasses to remind me why I got it done in the first place.
Comments (3)
"ZAP the be-juju-bees out of your eye" I love it when you talk that technical doctor talk! lol
The last thing you want to hear during this is "Oh shit! Somebody get me a bucket, Quick!"
Hmm..... this does provide a good argument about LASIK.
I'm not really sure whether I mean FOR or AGAINST it, but still.
Even though I'm nearly blind without my glasses/contacts, I'm still pretty iffy about something like laser surgery. I'm just very, very protective of my eyeballs. They're what I consider a "weak spot." If a giant Human was a final boss in a video game, the eyes would be the "glowing red weak spot you absolutely have to hit."
was that really your eye???
congratulations! you were always a very handsome fella ... I think your patients poop in their pants on purpose after they see you in the ER ... but this is really great news that you're finally getting rid of those glasses. now you're no longer clark kent but supaaah-maaaan!!!
had mine done in 2004. will do it again in a heartbeat.
drew will likely get one, as well, especially since after we got stuck in phoenix and had to stay overnight in a hotel and he had contacts on that he had to put in paper cups with tap water since the darn airport security doesn't allow those opthalmic solutions.