October 15, 2012
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New Terminology, Gross
OK, I must admit it, I sometimes try to gross people out.
Now, similar to that scene from White Men Can’t Jump where Woody Harrelson argues with Wesley Snipes that part of the reason he likes demeaning other players is that when it is done to him, he only plays basketball better, I find that whenever someone tries to gross me out I just bring it up and gross them out right back followed by writing ridiculously long run-on sentences that most likely some people never finish due to the fact that funny pictures are just a mouse scroll away.
Let me refocus.
Certain words make people feel awkward for whatever reason. I know people that hate the word moist. It just irks them for some reason. Others despise bulgy, or tromboner, whatever. I’m fine with just about anything.
So during my last night shift I saw many many people. It was just a crazy busy night. That was not the weird part. The weird part was that all of my patients had 1 of 2 complaints.
Complaint #1: I am drunk and depressed.
Complaint #2: My vagina has something coming out of it that I don’t think should (so I’m in the ER at 3am even though it’s been going on 3 weeks)
(Complaint #3: Both 1 and 2)
One of my lovely nurses introduced me to a new term she learned while interviewing a patient and her mother.
Nurse: So ma’am, it says here that you are having malodorous vaginal discharge.
Patient: <blank, confused stare>
Nurse: Is this true? Are you?
Patient: <deer in headlights, looks over to mom for help>
Nurse (looks at mom)
Mom: She’s askin’ you if you’re CREAMIN’
Patient: Oh. Yes.
Yeah. That’s right. You’re creamin’.
I’m just waiting to use this casually with my friends.
Oh, I found this. Yes, I truly would hate it if my patients stopped showing up when they are creamin’… wait, no, no I wouldn’t.
Yes, this is exactly what we see when we do a pelvic exam.
Comments (1)
Can’t imagine doing your job.