May 11, 2010

• Dad – fighting gravity one falling child at a time

  13 months.  Wow, it seems like just yesterday when my wife and I took home this tiny little creature that could do nothing but poop, cry and hog my wife’s boobs.

  Now, after 13 months and non-stop attention and adoration, she can poop, cry, drink milk, and fart right on top of her daddy’s head.  I wish that was a joke, but actually, yesterday, she was flopping on top of her big dog-pillow and landed right next to me and farted on me.  Then she giggled.  Yeah, it’s my daughter for sure.

  So I have realized three facts about my daughter.

  1.  She absolutely LOVES to climb up stairs.  I might be cleaning dishes for a quick minute, but if I don’t watch her she will teleport (nightcrawler-esque) to the top of the stairs. 

  2.  She has no fear.  She might be bouncing on the ground, or on the top of a 100 story building, it’s all the same to her.  Giant scary barking dog?  Nah, no big deal.  Huge scary ugly bug?  Nah, it’s cool.  No fear.

  3.  She has no concept of gravity, at all.  On more than one occasion I have been watching her.  Her current method of getting off any high up location is the fall.  She just leans forward and allows her body to plummet.  Top of the stairs?  Sure, no problem.  On top of tables, chairs, ladders, high-wire act, it’s all the same to her.  Just go limp and you’ll get to the bottom quick as can be.

  These three facts have transformed my title.  I changed from “dad” to that of a “spotter” for an extremely mentally retarded clumsy gymnast.  Run-run-run-run SPLAT, right on the wood floor.  I’m not sure which molecule of air triggered the fall, but you’d better be there. 

   
  Samantha’s future… if she were a boy… is that a boy?

  • 11:07 am
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