March 10, 2009
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Terror in the Slow Lane
For those of you who are new to the program, I work in an ER.
If you have not gone to an ER recently, it is a highly entertaining place to go, especially on Friday and Saturday nights. Several layers of crazy come out to play and I get to be the lifeguard at the giant community pool of insanity and incontinence. Most of these people are drunk. Some of them are pretty depressed. Only very rarely do I really get to see 100% pure, wholesome, unadulterated crazy. Today, I saw crazy.
What is nice about the ER is that it really takes quite a bit in my daily interactions to cause any concern. Most people rarely behave in a manner that cause me to become even slightly worried. In fact, I cannot really recall the last time I was really confounded by human behavior… till today.
It all started (insert Waynes World fadeout…) when my wife and I went to Red Robin (yum!) for burgers. They were delicious, and yes, you suck for not going. After that we went to Babies R Expensive to pick up some random crap for our soon to be born parasite. It was on the trip that things started getting weird.
We have all seen bad drivers. We have all seen (or had) road rage. This seemed different. I was peacefully driving down the road, with only one car in front of me. This car was roughly 200 yards in front of me. I’m talking NO WHERE CLOSE to my car. The road was pretty empty, and it was a side road without too much traffic. There was a very minimal amount of light rain. Not enough to obscure vision, just enough that you had to manually turn your windshield wipers on about every 40 seconds or so.
I’m trying to make it perfectly clear that this was a pretty boring drive home… UNTIL.
The car in front of me swerves to the left, still in its lane, then swerves to the right, then quickly comes to a stop on the shoulder. It stops there.
At this time I assumed no big deal. Possibly car troubles, I dunno. Being a caring person, and also a curious person, when I caught up to the car I peered inside to make sure the person inside was ok. You know, the driver could be in trouble and that is why she stopped. This is where the fun starts.
As I slowly drove by, the very large woman in the car glared at both my wife and myself. She was obviously livid and was screaming at what I could only assume was the top of her lungs. I’m not positive, but I think a little rabies-like drool was foaming from the corner of her mouth. While she did this, she held in her right hand what appeared to be a small recipt from a recent purchase. She pumped her arm repeatedly while she screamed at us with her now red face as we passed her.
I looked at my wife. She looked at me. Neither of us was sure what had just happened, but shortly thereafter the not so sane lady began driving again. Fortunately for us another car was right behind us. I looked in my review mirror and the person in the car behind us looked right at me and shugged their shoulders as if to say “huh, that was kinda weird, eh?”
I was scared. She had the burning white hot rage of insanity.
Thankfully she turned when we went straight. I’ll assume I will hear about a string of murders soon, but we made it home without any other event.
Out of curiosity, any of you ever had a brush with pure crazy before? I think I might be a magnet for such activity.
This is what I saw in the car as I passed. No joke. Maybe worse… maybe.
Comments (3)
I wasn’t lucky enough to hang out too much in the ER, but second best was the county slammer on Fri/Sat. A facinating mix of Pro Wrestling, “Lookie my Titties” Ladies, and Film Noir Meltdowns : ) That cartoon pretty much says it, loved it!
I am glad you both were safe from the maniac driver, cuz you never know!
Are you sure it’s not someone you got pregnant and became livid when she saw your wife and realized that BOTH she and your wife are pregnant? And that receipt … it’s probably the baby purchases that you should have paid for?
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